Please don’t hit on me: a day in the life of a cute barista 

You see your barista on a daily basis. There she is slinging the bean behind the bar with a smile on her face. She greets you by name as you walk up. She remembers you and your drink! Out of the hundreds of people she sees a day, it’s you she remember. As you stand by the hand-off plane, casually awaiting your Americano with 3.5 raw sugars and an inch of steamed breve, stirred well, she asks you how your day is going, what your plans for the weekend are, and if you would like a drink stopper or not. She laughs as you tell her about how you thought it was Friday but it’s really only Thursday. She thinks you’re so funny and clever as you tell her “thanks a latte!” As you’re walking out the door.

That’s it. She must like you.
Wrong. You are so wrong.
How to decode your baristas actions:
She smiled at you. You think this means she’s into you, but you’re probably wrong.
It’s her job to be friendly and smiley to everyone. Creating a good customer service experience is all part of the trade! And guess what, a smile goes hand-in-hand with friendliness.
But she thinks your funny and even laughed at your corny pun! Again, you’re probably wrong.
She’s not going to say, “yeah dude, I’ve heard that one before. In fact, I hear it 10 times a day, now get away from my hand-off plane.” No, she’s going to laugh because that’s what’s going to create that top notch experience for you.
Oh come on! She remembers you though! Yet again, she remembers everyone that comes in on a daily basis, including the guy with no teeth who stands there creepily until you make him his tall iced water. Making you feel special is what’s going to make you throw your money in the tip jar, which lets be honest is the reason she gives you such great service.
Now I’m not saying there aren’t customers who the baristas go out of their way to be nice to and actually flirt with.

But unless you

• are super fit

• are super rich

• have some sort of accent |that can’t be found in an area close by, think European or Australian|

• pay close attention to your oral hygiene |this one could just be special to me, I have a thing for good teeth|

• or she goes out of her way to talk to you on her break

She’s probably not that into you.
Customers who think that their barista is still into them, even after all this helpful advice, even when they don’t fit the criteria, and yet you still want to make a move. I beg you not to. This is her place of work. You’re probably twice her age, which you shouldn’t point out if you are going to hit on her.
I know your mom thinks you’re great but her mom probably taught her not to piss in the pot she eats from.

|dont date people from work|
There’s no where for her to go to escape the awkward. She can only hide out in the backroom for so long before she does in fact have to come back on the floor.

I know you probably feel lonely. And I know you’ve heard of your super handsome friend with great teeth hitting it off with his barista. But that’s not you. Don’t make this poor girl question her service and wonder why you thought it’d be okay. She’s just trying to get through her day without spilling hot coffee down her front and bludgeoning some a**hole with a milk pitcher. She doesn’t need an awkward encounter with you, just enjoy the awesome service and your handcrafted beverage.
UPDATE: I forgot to introduce this when originally posted, but the lovely SSFBailey has written us another post! And this is it. But clearly you know that already.

SSFBailey is actually better at writing posts regularly than we are! Considering changing the name to “my semi successful adulthood” and handing over the reigns.

Just kidding. But we’re lucky to have her 🙂


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